Wonderland Has Gone Awry

Hello there, Folks!

Long time since I've written anything. Busy, busy, busy. I don't know how people find the time for this, seriously!

The hollydays are in full swing now that we've just passed the Thanksgiving celebrations, which by the way was enjoyable. I was able to visit with most of my family from my mom's side, and we had a lovely dinner together.

Then the grind bright and early for a big shopping day: Black Friday. Which is stupidly referred to as a "holiday". Forgive me, but whoever was the genius that first decided to call that day a holiday is a fucking moron who probably never had a retail job ever! That is quite possibly the most horrific day for everyone involved! Everyone is a "Scrooge" and people become quite pissy from both sides of the retailer/consumer line. The big bucks that sit around counting $$$'s and came up with the scheme to make poor saps like me come in @ 4 and 5 o'clock in the morning to get ready for the loosers to begin shopping so early in the fucking morning ought to have to come in and work that shit for themselves! The little people have families as well and should be entitled to spend the hollydays with them. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that the company I work for actually closes business for the major USA holidays. I know there are people that are out there working round the clock everyday of the year, for that I am also thankful. But, these people are out there actually doing the world some good! Police officers, 911 dispatchers, fire fighters...these are the people that ought to be rewarded for their selflessness! Then again, they may be paid some sort of overtime or whatnot for working the US Federal holidays, and are still just as grippy as I am...who knows? My point is, to tell people, "oh you can go home to your families for the day, but I need you back and ready in an hour and a half because we need to get ready to temporarily cut prices take as much money from all these zombies that don't know how to tell their spoiled little shit kids "no you can't have an iPod because you're only 8 years old" or "no you don't need an $80 pair of shoes that you'll only wear for 3 months because your 12 and growing at the speed of light" so we need you to get the stores ready for you to work 36 million hours for the next 2 1/2 days and let your own kids forget your face or that you even exist, thanks. And BTW, there will be no Christmas bonus again this year for all your hard work and discipline in dealing with the brainwashed masses of the consumer industry. I see no good coming of this...in fact I see all the more need for police officers, dispatchers and fire fighters! Oh! Isn't Black Friday grand?!?!?!

Sunday was my first birthday without my mother. It sucked. I had to be at work all day long and I couldn't focus properly. I kept thinking, "today was the day of my birth and the one person that made it absolutely possible is not here to share it's specialness with me." I still hurt as I sit here thinking about it. I miss her more than I could ever express to anyone in words. I broke down in the storeroom for a good long while and then I had to stop and get back to work. Then later when I was visiting with my dad and sister, I broke down again. It's real tough to deal with reality. It may not always be what you want it to be, but if there's anything I've learned it's that what you've done and where you've been makes you who you are today. That being said...I miss my mom like hell.

Good night, don't let the bed bugs bite!

Shref

So, about 2 weeks ago when Tropical storm Hanna swept through our area my co-workers and I found a newborn kitten in the rains. We brought him in from the storm and I took it upon myself to bring him home with me. It was pouring out and the mother was nowhere to be found. Also, the "cubby" that we found him in would have flooded causing him to drown. There are A LOT of strays roaming around that part of town, so I figured no one would miss one more. The kitten is doing well and my boys are really taken with him. My oldest son wanted to name him Shref, and so, that is what we have taken to calling him. It's funny, I have no idea why he picked the name "Shref". He knows well how to properly pronounce "Shrek". And not only that, but, he's not had anything to do with the Shrek trilogy in a very long time. My younger son doesn't even know anything about Shrek. Oh well! The kitten is becoming very strong and he gets around pretty well now.

boredom...

As if I didn't already have a million and a half things to do...
I need something ficticious to read! I have a need to emerse myself in a really good book. There's got to be something out there that will be able to hold my attention and that is completely untrue! Please... I need this.

What does this mean?

Okay...

Here's a quick low down. I am a Retail Manager. The area I work in is not the best of areas ~ lots of welfare, people living in hotel/motels, country smushed/mixed with ghetto. Of course, in the business of dealing with general public I am forced to come in contact with ALL sorts of persons. Something I have been doing since my very first job 15 years ago. Nothing new for me.

One the day in question...

First thing in the morning, I unlock the door to a day that has promised for weeks to be a complete pain. There has already been a vehicle in the parking lot with waiting customers. These "customers" wait a minute or two before they come into our establishment and put on a charade of "shopping". What these two are really doing is scoping the place to see what the can swindle out of the store unnoticed. Well, they were caught red-handed, I almost physically removed a pair that one of them had worn out and returned back in wearing, and before the authorities could arrive they bolted. COMPLETE EMISSION OF GUILT!!!! So, we do the usual thing and do statements, identify one of the suspects, blah blah blah.... Later, that evening after shop's been closed up, I head over to the Magistrate's office as instructed by the officer. My mission is to get a file a criminal complaint against identified suspect and get a warrant for an arrest. I am pushed away because, even though I am ABSOLUTELY POSITVELY 100% SURE that these two persons were in my store with intent to shoplift, and succeeded in doing so, no one SAW the act in progress. WELL FREAKING DUH!!! People tend to not do these kinds of things in the view of others. WHAT THE....!!!!

And also on day in question....

As previously mentioned, this particular business day had already promised to be a real pain...and it was holding to that promise! A family of four was in store shopping; father, mother, two sons a few years apart. (Come to find out later: father is only responsible to younger child; and at one point in past, mother had claimed that a relative of my employee was responsible for the older child...turns out he is not the father...THANK YOU MAURY!) Well, we were experiencing high shopping traffic and had been for about 3 hours. This particular family had been here for close to an hour by this point. All the while the boys were running around the store, banging on the storefront windows, bouncing balls, rolling them under other patrons feet, almost slamming one poor lady in the face with a small basket ball! Mommy dearest is paying absolutely no attention to either of her little angels and Daddy dear is barely saying anything at all to his one offspring. So mother was somewhere on one side of the store whilst father was on the other and younger son was running and jumping and bouncing ball right in front of store entrance. As general manager I politely asked little one to please stop and be careful so that he nor anyone else would become injured. That was it. That was all it took. Like a lightening bolt out of nowhere, mother is on top of me in an instant!

"You don't talk to my child like that!"

"I am the mother. You talk to me!"

"You have no reason to talk to him! I am the mother! You talk to me!"

"If you have a problem, you talk to me! I am the mother!"

At this point I am still at the store front in the process of ringing up and checking out customers, which I will add was a quite extensive line! I looked her square in the face and said, "ma'am, I did not know where you were." Later when it was her turn to check out she was forced to deal with me against her will. She tried to avoid coming in further contact with me by going to a different register, that register failed her. I politely told her that I would be glad to help her if she did not want to wait for it to be fixed. Once in front of me, I explained to the woman that I am responsible for my customers and that if something is in danger of injuring or hurting someone, be it an object or another person, it is my responsibility to prevent it. At the time I really did not know her location in the store, and so the reason I spoke directly to the child. She said that she just didn't believe that anyone else but herself knew how to properly talk to children, saying it inclusive of all children not just her own two. Because she works with children and knows how to speak to them in a manner that they understand. I told her that I have two children of my own and that I understand how they can sometimes be rambunctious. I also told her that I have an extensive background in dealing with children outside of my own two. She just continued to say that she didn't know, she didn't know, she didn't know. I wanted to ask her what was it that she didn't know? But, I graciously refrained. I also explained that I have had the unfortunate experience in dealing with small children that had been hurt in stores for one reason or another and that I was unwilling to see it happen to her child. She smiled and said thank you. Then she was happily on her way. I later find that she does not work with children, but at Bank of America.

How messed up and confusing families must be! Mine is no apple pie, I never claimed it was, but I DO NOT allow nor put up with my children acting in this rude and disrespectful manner! Then get mad at someone else who cares for any person's well being...my child included.

Hmmm...Delicious

Okay...so I don't claim to be good at very many things. I'm not good at keeping my temper. I'm not good at thinking before I speak. I'm normally not good at telling my feelings to people that are close to me. But, dammit! I am a really good cook when it comes to throwing some things together. I just finished eating some really good chicken! I got the idea a couple of weeks ago when i used some lemon flavored marinating sauce to prepare dinner that night. So I figured, "what if I baked some chicken flavored by orange and lime slices and fresh garlic?" Well, the answer is "some banging ass chicken"!!! A little bit of this and a dash of that and this dinner was really freaking good! Every one of my roomates loved it! I seem to be chef of the freaking year, because every time I cook dinner they all make sure they are home to eat it! "That's fuckin sweeet!" (in the sing-song tune of Peter Griffin! lmao)

The Most Significant Person

Recently, my mom passed away. She had complications following a major operation. For years she's been dealing with various medical issues, nothing like cancer, but still battling just the same. I miss her terrible, and her passing has caused me to wonder more so than usual about the afterlife and things of that nature. When something of this sort hits a person so extremely close to home, I guess one couldn't help but to wonder, "What the hell?" You become bombarded with multitude of emotions that will not let one fully pass before shoving it's way into your metaphorical heart.

I noticed at different places during the few days that followed, there are a definite two groups of people when it comes to death. People who have lost someone intimate like a mother, father, sibling or spouse. And people who are indirectly affected by one's passing. You can always definitely tell the one from the other. The latter of the two groups will embrace you and whisper in your ear that things will ease as the time passes...to which you most immediately want to be relieved of. Whereas members of the first group will look you sincerely in the eyes, some will only give you a heartfelt hugs and others will speak words of kindness and endearment, expressing there pain for your loss. The rollercoaster is maddening.

I remember the day vividly. And still well up with tears when I think back to how utterly useless and helpless I felt. Like if I had been at the hospital that day, somehow my presence would have made some sort of difference in how things played out. That one phone call. How weak my knees went; easily giving out beneath me; watching the floor fastly approaching and not being able to prevent it. Screaming out, as if my refusal of information would make any sort of difference in the very real present. Clinging to my husband in despair. Scaring my boys to tears, and not being able to stop myself for all the pain I was feeling. Then suddenly blocking all personal emotion out of primal neccessity. For having to be the rock of stability for the family. My dad, my younger brother, my younger sister. It really is odd how one doesn't know their abilities until tested. And so it continued until burial preparations and the ceremony were complete.

I've only visited her resting place once since the funeral. Is that healthy? I don't know. Should i visit more often? Again, I don't know. The only thing I could do was cry up to the big white fluffy clouds and wonder what kind of tapestry she was working on at the moment. Wishing that at the very moment the clouds would part and she would ascend down upon a bright gleaming ray of golden sunlight to kiss my forehead and tell me that she will always be watching over my family.

My mom was the one to which I turned to when I had questions and needed answers. She did not always have one to give, but she always told me something. She always had a way to make things seem better.

This kind of pain really sucks. I've been through some pain before. Broken arms. Broken toes. Two child-bearings. But, this.... There's nothing else like it.

Sounds kind of silly and ridiculous when I put some of my thoughts out there. Maybe this is why I've never before, and possibly why I may never again.

So this is it?

I often wonder what good can come of posting your innermost thoughts in the web for anyone out there to see. I figured I'd try it out. Everyone needs an outlet for energy...positive or negative, right? And, so, let it begin...